Ending any relationship will never come easy. It’s more often than not a messy affair. A clean breakup seems like a myth created by our forefathers to feel inadequate at managing interpersonal relationships. However, that’s not the case anymore as it is possible to end a relationship mutually without losing grace. It’s frequently met with dissatisfaction at the inability to be irrationally mad at your ex-partner. But in the long run, it’s without a trace of doubt, the better way out. You don’t always have to break up with screaming matches and turning bitter towards your ex. It requires strength and courage, loads of it. You can easily end things with a swift and clean blow and this is our attempt to deconstruct a dignified breakup.
1. Be Honest
The most cliched and the most important step. Do not beat around the bush, do not lie to her/him or yourself. It’s more difficult than just using the good old cards-“It’s not you, it’s me” or “I want to concentrate on work right now.” People who’ve been in a committed relationship can see through the lies that you’re so carelessly weaving.
2. Be Clear In Your Head
Take a few deep breaths. Write down what you feel about this relationship. Describe what’s not working for you. Weigh the gravity of the situation. Do you think it’s absolutely irrepairable? Do you think your inner peace has been disturbed? What do you think you could have done if you wanted to work it out? Is it doable? Ask yourself every possible question. Do not treat a breakup as a whimsical thing.
3. Communicate Clearly
After arranging your thoughts, organise your speech. You might mean well, but might end up messing it up by saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. Unless your partner has been abusive towards you or cruel in any way, be courteous and clear. Do not jumble, fumble or mumble. Remember you’re not committing a crime but you are not exactly making someone’s day. Cushion the blow. Say what you need to say to them but also answer all their queries. It’s only justified.
4. Do Not Play The Blame Game
Breaking up is a tart process unto itself and doesn’t require you adding more acidic value to it by the virtue of slapping the blame on to your partner. A relationship doesn’t work out when the input from both ends isn’t equal. Someone gives in too much and someone gives in too little, both of which are unhealthy. So before you march on, ready to accuse your partner, think about how your end of the stick is also not perfect. Don’t dish out criticism you can’t handle giving.
5. It’s All About Timing
You prepare yourself for it. Pick a date and a place. It won’t ever be the right time. But it can easily be the wrong time. If you kick them when they are low, it will just be disdainful. It won’t be blotch-free but you’ll be saving your dignity and theirs. You pick the wrong place and time, you’ll keep fussing over it for the rest of your life and they’ll curse you for the rest of theirs. Do not make your memories together bitter for either one of you.
6. Do Not Breakup Over Text Or Phone
Would you mourn with someone you love over a text if they lost something or someone dear? Not only is it extremely uncharacteristic of an adult to be unable to talk it out in person, it’s also very disrespectful to your relationship. It’s childish and cowardly. Just don’t do it. Your ex-partner deserves more than that.
7. Maintain Good Conduct When Meeting After The Break
Backhanded compliments and an air of nastiness is uncomfortable not just for both of you but also the people you’re surrounded by. Be cordial and if you can’t spend quality time with each other, keep a distance through the course of the event. If you’ve met someone new and arrive at the said event with them, do not try to show them off like a newly acquired possession. It’s quite trashy.
8. Do Not Try To Rekindle Your Friendship Immediately
The period right after your breakup is marked by unresolved feelings and the lingering thoughts of what could’ve been. You both will be vulnerable. Irrespective of how desperate your are to keep each other in your life, you have to accept the need to spend some time apart. You can’t become just friends again overnight.